Hey hey!

Hello, hello! Just a quick not to let y'all know that I am alive and well. This whole not having internet thing sucks. I have been on the net twice - TWICE- in the last three weeks. We finally got our computer at the house, now we just need to get the damn internet. Stay tuned...

Blog Hiatus/Intermittent posting

FYI - I am preparing to start my new job this Monday, so posting will be very light (i.e. nonexistent). Also, until I get my internet hooked up at home (I have been mooching at work), I won't be able to post. Please bookmark my site and check back often. Y'all can subscribe to my feed - there's a link somewhere on my page (bottom right).

Toodles, Sunshine

Score: 2 points for Lisa?

Just wanted to let y'all know that you should revisit my heretics post. There's some interesting commenting going on.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope everyone is enjoying their day with the people they love.

As for me, I'm not spending it with my baby. I made a choice to spend some prescheduled time with my mom for a weekly appointment. I could have cancelled, but I didn't. This caused a bit of strife (deservedly), between me and my baby, but we're over that now. Our Valentine's Day is this Saturday.

The ironic thing is that my appointment got rescheduled yesterday, after Tara made plans with a friend so that she wasn't alone. Of course I'm not going to ask her to reschedule, after what I put her through. So now I'm the one who's spending my VDay alone.

At least I was able to get a card to her and she dropped off a card and some flowers last night. The flowers are very pretty, but, since I am still in the dark ages and don't have a digital camera or even a camera phone, I have no pics for y'all.

Anyway, have a great day!

Where in the world is...Sunshine?

I'm here. Last week was a rock-n-roller coaster of activity and goings-on, so not much posting. For the news:

1. 165.6! Aw yah!

2. Got a new job making big bucks! [C&L, expect a HUGE donation (seriously) when I start getting in some moolah. Got y'all on my charity/giving list.] It's actually my old job where I used to work forever ago. I am cautiously looking forward to it. When I worked there before, I HATED it, but I think this time around, it'll be different. The attitude used to be that I should be happy to work there instead of them being happy to have me (which it will be now). I am looking to it as a challenge. Plus, it will only be until I finish my MA and either go back to school for my PhD or get a job in my chosen field (Public Health).

So, there you go.

Sunshine

Tara's Ring

Likey?

Heretics!

Recently, a friend of ours commented on my icky anniversary post. She said...

your relationship is too much WORK and stress and everything else to be healthy and productive! Is is that you two are just DEPENDENT on each other by now? Do you think that you are really right for each other? This one little weekend is basically like a microcosm of your entire relationship. Ups, downs, ups, downs, ups, downs - is that really what you want forever?!?!??!

Honestly, I was a little annoyed with her; Tara and I get this a lot from her and her girlfriend and, sometimes, it gets old. But, I thought about it and especially where she was coming from (I'm sure they get tired of hearing about all of our 'break-ups') and realise that it was not meant maliciously (It also helped that she sent a follow-up apology and clarification to her points). And so, after ruminating for, like, ever, I'm finally ready to respond.

I could go with a trite response, as some others have, that the comment is a knee-jerk reaction to some problems that she is having in her relationship; perhaps "since her ship is sinking, she wants to bring ours down with it" type thinking. But I won't, because I don't actually know the innards of her relationship and I don't think that they're doing all that bad. And besides, she may be blunt, to the point, and doesn't like to touch us ;-), but she's not mean.

Without further ado:

Your relationship is too much WORK and stress and everything else to be healthy and productive!

Sometimes, this might seem true. Anyone who is a regular reader of this blog will know that our relationship is damn hard. We argue a lot and not very effectively, BTW. We cry, we get pissed off, we get frustrated (more than anything), etc. Sometimes, we are destructive and hurtful (to address another of her concerns), but far less so than we used to be. I have had concerns as to whether this relationship was too hard; I mean, really, are people supposed to fight as much as we do? The short answer is no! But, looking at it a bit further, it's not so simple. Tara and I are incredibly stubborn people (I dare you to find people who are more stubborn. We make 2year olds look tame.). We are very principled and sure that our way is the right way. We are also extreme opposites; we approach almost everything differently. This might not make for a good relationship. However, what we do have going for us is love, determination, and faith. That is why we keep pushing forward even when we hurt each other (as long as it's not intentional).

Is is that you two are just DEPENDENT on each other by now?

Quite possibly, but I don't think that's all that wrong. I believe that she is referring to codependency, which I dealt with here, here, and here. I actually don't think that we are codependent. We are really making an effort to remain independent and have outside interests and not get lost in each other. We have come a long way baby!

Do you think that you are really right for each other?

*Trying to figure out if a sarcastic response is more appropriate than a truly heartfelt response*

Uh, yeah, duh.

*maidink's wit (i.e. sarcasm) has prevailed*

This one little weekend is basically like a microcosm of your entire relationship. Ups, downs, ups, downs, ups, downs - is that really what you want forever?!?!??!

God, you are sooo right. And, no, that's not what I want. My immediate goal is to make the ups longer than the downs, which I think we are doing pretty good at. But what I do want forever is Tara.

---

We are going to start therapy soon. We have actually been practicing some empathic listening (look it up, I'm too lazy right now.) and, while we're not perfect, we're doing pretty good. We had a break through this week and things are really great. But, we still had a fight last night. And, you know what, that's ok. It happens to everyone; what makes a difference is how we fight.

We are evolving as individuals and as a couple (we just had to accept that it was a necessary process).

I used to wonder if that old saying, "love conquers all," was true. I think it is. And you?

Sunshine

PS. TO my friend, you're a momo that is took you this long to figure out I had another blog!