Troubled waters...

Well, OKMG took a(nother) hit today. Normally, I don't write in detail what happens when we fight - I try to keep the blog chipper and happy and romantic and full of hope - but today, I think I will write about what happened.

First things first: I want to open this to discussion. Please try to have an open mind about the situation; there is a large back story to this. I really would like some constructive and objective criticism/advice/help.

Onward ho...

Tonight T and I were supposed to spend our first planned OKMG night together. I have busted my ass to make sure that my paper was done so that I wouldn't be toiling away instead of spending time with her (Seriously, I was up late Thurs and Fri night writing.).

We're (my mom and I) doing a bed switcheroo at our house (my mom lives with me) where we are returning the beds that have been on loan to their original owner and getting new beds from a benevolent friend. My mom has been trying to coordinate this for a few weeks, but she finally settles for Sunday (tomorrow). She will be picking up the beds with a friend and their truck. She told me this on Thursday, but I've had a general idea for a week or so. She asked me to be at the house on Sunday morning to coordinate the switch.

Automatically, I have a dilemma.

I informed mom of my plans with T. She tells me that she can't do it without my help.

Herein lies the problem: my mom is a fully capable 50 yo woman who insists that she can not do anything on her own. (For the purposes of disclosure, she has had severe mental and emotional setbacks in the last year that have reinforced this notion.). So, I know that she should be able to coordinate the switch, but I agreed to help her anyway. I have been sloooowly trying to nudge her to do things for herself, but I may still be enabling her. I know this.

Basically, this is how it would have gone down. I would have spent the night over T's house tonight and we would have had our time together, but I would have had to get up early to go backover to my house to help my mom. This probably would have taken about 4 hours.

So again, I agreed to help mom out - on the morning that T and I were supposed to spend together.

I inform T of this and it does not go over well at all. The short version is that T is tired of not being a priority in my life and having to deal with the fact that I can't stand up to my mother with her having to face the consequences.

I understand T's position. To her, it's not about the 4 hours that would have been taken out of our time together; it's about the fact that this is our time together that we agreed on and I shouldn't be taking the time to help my mom when she doesn't need the help, particularly when she has a friend who is helping her.

Here's my position:

I agreed to help my mom. Yes, I should have said no. Yes, my mom should be able to do things on her own without my help. However, I choose to pick my battles. My bigger concern is getting my mom a job and out of my house. Perhaps, though, the little things add up and reinforce the bigger picture, no? Additionally, I don't like to be in the middle or made to choose between mom or T and I think that's what T is doing (again, realizing that there is a larger back story involved and this is not the only incident where this has happened).

I contend that I should still spend the night over T's and help my mom tomorrow. Unfortunately, T does not agree and I'm to call her after I'm done tomorrow.

This will have further ramifications on OKMG, particularly with our future plans together. T feels I have not placed a priority on our time and, as such, she may not place priority on our time together in the future.

Thoughts?