Ease on down, ease on down the road...to interdependency

Let's dispense with all the doom and gloom of the dog (*sigh*) and codependency (double *sigh*) and move on to something more positive - Interdependency! Yay!

First, a definition:

Interdependence is a dynamic of being mutually responsible to and sharing a common set of principles with others. This concept differs distinctly from "dependence" in that an interdependent relationship implies that all participants are emotionally, economically, and/or morally "independent." (Source)

Surprisingly, I couldn't find very much in the lay literature regarding this, so I had to go to the scientific stuff. I have tried to dumb it down so that we all understand it, but if you don't get it, let me know or post it in the comments and maybe some of my other readers (Lisa, Maidink? - calling y'all out) can help.

In psychology, interdependence theory is based on four principles(Ref. 1):

Degree of dependence - How dependent each person is on their partner and their activities for pos or neg outcomes (e.g. does John need Mary to feel good about himself or does he have other friends to who help him feel lovable?)

Mutuality of dependence - Is the degree of dependence on the other partner mutual (equal) or unilateral (e.g. Mary may be John's sole source of emotional intimacy, whereas Mary may have multiple intimate friends)

Correspondence of outcomes - the degree to which the partners' preferences for joint outcomes correspond with conflict (e.g. Mary may desire greater independence than John, creating conflicts of interest in which she feels cornered while he feels jealous or insecure)

Basis of dependence - the degree to which dependence involves joint vs individual control (e.g. does Mary coordinate her actions with John's to attain good outcomes, or do Mary's outcomes rest on John's ability to unilaterally provide rewards?)

Put them all together and, if they are at the "right" level and in balance, you get interdependency. Put a little differently then the def. above:

The existence of interdependence implies that partners in a close relationship influence one another's experiences and need each other to obtain valued outcomes such as instrumental support, affection, sexual fulfillment and emotional closeness. (Ref 1.)

Finally, two important properties of an ongoing relationship concern satisfaction level and degree of independence:

Satisfaction level - pretty self explanatory - are both individuals satisfied or not? (e.g. does Mary passionately love John? Does he fulfill her needs for intimacy?)

Dependence level - the degree to which an individual relies on a relationship for obtaining good outcomes, and depends primarily of the partner for the fulfillment of important needs (e.g. does Mary primarily rely on John and their relationship for companionship and intimacy?)

Now, applying all of the above to Tara and I, I feel better than I did yesterday. Ugh, I was a bit miserable thinking that our relationship was in a poor, poor state. Looking at the above 4 points makes me realise that we are certainly moving in the right direction. While we are not where we need to be, we have made gains towards equality. Again, I think the big thing is that we both want to change and move forward.

OK, psych. lesson for the week is over!

Sunshine

Reference 1: Rusbult, Caryl and Bram Buunk, Committment Processes in Close Relationships: An Interedependence Analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol. 10, No. 2, 175-204 (1993)