Codependency, I name thee!

This is Part 1 of a multipart series.

I discovered about a year ago, that I was in a codependent relationship. This wasn't as shocking at you might think, even given my uber-independence prior to this relationship. Although I'm not shocked by it, I'm not entirely happy with it either. That said, I will throw caution to the wind and, in flagrant defiance of popular opinion, I will say that, to a certain degree, a bit of codependency is good for the relationship.

Before I delve into the pros/cons of codependency and the aspects of my relationship, let me first define it and shed some light on the topic:

Definition:
(There are a variety of definitions. I chose this one because it is very broad. Additionally, a few folks are trying to debunk the idea of codependency [See here for more info.])

A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. (Source)

Signs/Symptoms of codependency:

controlling behavior
distrust
perfectionism
avoidance of feelings
intimacy problems
caretaking behavior
hypervigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger)
physical illness related to stress (Source)

Yup, these pretty much look like Tara and I at varying degrees of one or the other.

It's all well and good for me to say that Tara was the codependent one at the start of our relationship (I believe this to be true.), but (1) I wouldn't be here in this position if I wasn't, to some degree or another, codependent or, at the very least, emotionally deficient and (2) Who gives a rat's ass who started it or where it came from (Yes, yes, yes, I know, I know)? The point is how are we going to fix it and move on? What is important is to recognize the symptoms and take steps towards changing them.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's post.

Sunshine

Check out Part 2 and Part 3.