OKMG #3
Action:
She met me for lunch today and I made her some tea. She asked me to make it, but, but, but, I was going to make it anyway! Then, after lunch, I made her some more for the road. (It's kind of funny. We'll do lunch and we invariably meet someone we know. When we tell them we're separating, they always look confused - "um, why are y'all hanging out and stuff?")
Response:
She was happy. She told me she likes getting this attention.
It's not that hard to do little stuff and let her know that she's a priority in my life. Makes me wonder why I didn't do it before...
Oh, and thanks folks for the tips. Keep 'em comin!
Sunshine
8 comments:
Wait, you're trying to keep her but you're seperating?
Or you're trying to keep from seperating?
Me confused.
Yes! That's the confusion I was going for...
LOL We are separating (like straight people do instead of divorcing) and she IS moving out. But we are giving me 3 months to get my shit together and for us to decide if we want to continue in this relationship. If not, than we "see what happens". If so, we make it work.
So, we're separating, but trying not to 'divorce' and make it work out.
Does that explain it?
Wow Savvy, I hope things work out for you guys!
Y'know, one of the things I always get pissed about is that I know my boyfriends (when I have them anyway) care about me but they don't TELL me. And that is really important, sorta like, "I know you care, but reminding me once in a while you care would be nice."
So you might want to try the random "I was thinking about you today ... remember that time that we [insert cool memory or funny memory here]? That was really fun."
It sounds hokey but it always works. On me anyway!
di, that is SOOO my problem. I am awful at that - she usually has to pull teeth for me to say anything like that. I have been trying to be better at telling her how I feel.
Thanks di!
alrighty... so now i'm moved and back from the semi-vacation to help you out my friend. just remember that romance takes time and effort, especially if it doesn't come naturally.
1) someone has already mentioned little notes, writing on the bathroom mirror and putting the notes in lunches. don't forget that notes can really go anywhere, even the undie drawer... and um... well you can get a little suggestive with that too. or in the book she is reading. a spin on the note thing, is doing a treasure hunt... put clues in in different places that give more clues until she reaches the booty (whether it is a card telling her about one of the many things that you love about her, a gift or something you have made)... the clues can also be references to things you've done together or items that mean something to you or her.
2) picnic idea. can be indoors picnic with take-out (for those who don't have a lot of time to fix dindin). make it romantic by dimming the lights and using candles. just rememember to not knock the candles over and start a fire.
3) from the poet's lips... write a poem about her. read someone's else's poetry to her.
4) ask her out on a date. you know the whole movies or dinner thing. don't go somewhere you usually go. make sure you do the whole sha-bang dress up, etc. if you are still living together, go the extra step to knock on the door and bring her flowers or a orgami flowers.
5) make one of those fortune foldy orgami things that have colors on the outside and numbers on the inside and write sweet little somethings on the inside. play the game with her.
6) make a collage for her of some of your favorite things about her or on anything you want to say or share. tell a story with it.
7) go out to a bar or club. pretend that you don't know each other. get to know each other again.
good luck with the moving out but not divorcing thing. i'm here and cheering both of you on.
On a separate but related note, try to keep a balance between (a) stuff that people typically do; and (b) stuff that you do for her alone.
Sounds confusing but what I mean is that the stuff in category (a) is stuff like flowers, notes, dinners at nice places, etc. It's most definitely very very nice to do them and it usually gets a good reaction 95% of the time.
But stuff in category (b) is a bit harder because it involves thinking about what she said and kinda acting on it. Origami counts in this category because it's the kind of thing you do that says, "I was thinking about you and I made an effort to personalize this just for you."
As an example, I once mentioned to an ex of mine that I love balloons and they make me happy. I wasn't hinting at a gift or anything - we were walking down the street and some kid was passing by with a balloon. But on Valentine's Day he shows up with an entire bunch of balloons and tickets to John Mayer (whom he knew I absolutely adore). Another time he showed up with a flower he'd plucked from a bush on the street and said, "I was thinking of you."
Needless to say, that went down in my personal history of Best Moments.
One way to do category (b) is to think to yourself, why do I like her? How would I describe her to someone else? Thinking along these lines usually gives you a couple of good ideas for stuff to do, that show her you care and, more importantly, you care enough to do stuff especially for her.
We're all rooting for you!
Sky!
So happy you are back in town to help me out. Your comment was looooong, but what should I expect from a real writer?
Those are all great ideas. I think #4 is my fav and the one I'd most likely do. She'd *ahem* like me to do #7.
I'll have to work on doing the others.
THanks so much, y'all!
Oh, and thanks for the follow-up tip, di! That's right on.
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